Message to Self.

It didn't hit me until my roommate wrapped her arms around me and relayed a story of how she told someone to hush-up when they mentioned my graduating next semester, that I was actually graduating next semester.

Thoughts buzzed through my head and a surge of momentary panic swept over me. Where was I going to live? What was I going to do? What car would I buy? Where would I work? Would I have to resort to living in a box for a few months? ...It took me a few seconds to calm myself as I patted my roommate on the back, trying to console her. I wouldn't be graduating for another five months, at least, and I could afford to push aside dealing with the basics for a little longer. I justified it by saying that I still had midterms for this semester to worry about.

So, last night as my roommates and I were reminiscing over old girls camp songs I took an inventory of my life and of all the emotions that I was drowning in. Essentially I have wonderful friends and roommates, I write my family often and try to call on Sundays (which doesn't always happen), I have a wonderful boyfriend, I'm doing well in all my classes, I visit the temple at least once a week, I exercise at least three times a week if not more, and I have no reason to be unhappy. And yet. I am. Well, it's not that I'm not happy, I'm more just stressed. Completely and utterly stressed. I feel like I'm an over inflated balloon and all the world's a pin, ready to pop me the moment I get in it's way. Maybe the stress of graduating has finally decided to rain it's overwhelming terribleness down upon me. Or maybe it's something else entirely. Who knows?

Sometimes life is just hard. And sometimes you have to say to yourself: "Self, be happy. Stop drowning and just keep swimming."