I need to vent....

I opened Subway yesterday. I got there at seven and made all the bread and got the bain all fixed up and everything. Yeah, long day. So anyway, when my boss came in he was all stressed that labor was too high and yada yada yada. The first thing he said to me was and in a very polite voice, "You can leave early if you want. But only if you want."

Naturally, when my boss says I can go home early, especially since I was scheduled late, I get excited. But then I remembered something. We have our truck today. (For those who haven't been in the work field of food or who haven't been there in a long time, the term "truck" means that we have our shipment of food coming in and it means that we need a person to check of the shipments and put the food away. It's a really long process, what with putting all those heavy boxes on really high shelves and trying to decipher all the unnecessary blabber on the list {i.e. 19748929D023HAM}. So anyway, I reminded my boss about the truck. "So you want So-and-so (the other employee who was here 'till four) to be here by himself to put the truck away?" ...My boss' expression became all glazed and he said that I should stay. "So...you want me here 'til four?" I was so confused. But he said Yes. So, I stayed.

I worked, came home, and due to other goings on that had nothing to do with work (aside form having that horrible stench of sandwiches), I had a hard evening yesterday. Mostly just emotions going haywire, but it wasn't really too horrid... okay, no, it was bad. I was starting to get all clutsy and I spilled a fill glass of milk at dinner and I was knocking everything over... Oh man, it was bad. I just wanted to cry or disappear or something. Anyway. I went to bed at like eight because I was exhausted and I thought I would be less destructive if I just went to sleep. ...I woke up a lot during the night, though. At one in the morning I thought that maybe my body had already gotten enough sleep but then I was like No, that can't be right I thought teens needed a full eight or nine hours of sleep and, of course, it had only been five. So I went back to sleep. Got up at two, then three-forty-something, then six-thirty and then seven-thirty and then, at eight o-clock, I got a phone call.

I jumped out of bed and rushed over to my purse and extracted my cell phone. On the cover it read "My Boss." Ungh. A phone call from my boss...on Sunday. That can't be good. Oh no, it wasn't good.

"Okay, so you have two choices," My boss said in that perky sort of voices some peole get when they're really angry. "We can make this go away or I can give you the paddle." (Okay, so he didn't use those words exactly, but that's basically how he meant it.)

I was not happy. He explained that he had told me to go home at two, but that I had disobeyed him and stayed until four anyway. I was really not happy. "You told me to stay 'till four," I said, and then he explained, rather rudely, that he could take those hours off or that I could just get written up. I was mad. I wanted to argue. And I'm sad to say that I also wanted to yell at him. (I'd like to blame that bit on my half asleep brain.) I'm not usually a yelling person. I rarely feel the need or even desire to raise my voice. Until today really, I didn't know how I got when I was angry. Don't get me wrong, I've been angry before, this was just the only time I was actually analyzing my reaction.

I was frustrated and I guess I did yell (not like top-of-my-lungs or anything, but it was definetely louder than how I usually talk) I also slammed a few doors, unintentionally, and I tried really hard not to let it get to me, but I was hopeless. I had gotten in trouble. I was written up. I chose not to argue, because I didn't want to loose my job. I didn't want to be angry. I hate being angry. I also hate being in trouble. I felt really bad.

It almost feels like a detention, only, instead of have the consequence of staying after school you get this mark on your record. I don't know the details exactly because, obviously, I've never been written up before. I almost feel like a failure. But my boss told me to stay until four. I was scheduled 'til four.

Yeah. I guess that's it. I'm done. I just needed to get that off my chest. I don't like to complain, but this time I felt like I needed to...

Retail

I finally got my interview at a retail job the other day. Alls I did was sit through six videos and fill out a bunch of paper-work. The videos were okay, I guess. One was about Customer Service, another was about the alarm system that goes off when a certain tag isn't taken off, another was about keeping yourself clean of all those blood carrying yuckies. So yeah, one of the videos that I watched was about Code Adam.

Code Adam is a code for when a child is missing. (Adam Walsh was a six year old Florida boy who was abducted from a Sears department-store in 1981 and was later found murdered.) -If a parent comes to you and says that they're child is missing the employee is suppose to go to the phone, alert everyone that a Code Adam is taking place and then all the employees/managers are suppose to watch the doors, check that bathrooms, and all that good stuff. Anyway, during these short cheesy videos it showed a mother and her five year old daughter at a store. The mother, who was all engrossed in a pair of ugly socks, didn't notice when her daughter disappeared. "Jessica! Jessica, where are you!" The mother panicked when she finally noticed the girls absence.

The mother left her cart and started zipping past the isles in search of her daughter all the while screaming out the young girls name. The fellow customers soon became aware of the child's disappearance and demanded of the employee why he wasn't doing anything about it. -That was the beginning of the video, of what NOT to do. And then it showed what TO do. -In the TO-DO version the employee actually went up to the mom and told her to stay calm and that everything would be alright. ...As I watched the employee signal a Code Adam and as I saw the horrified look on the mothers face, I started to get really emotional. Through the entire video Code Adam was taking place. Then, just as the narrator was wrapping everything up, a customer (-the video revealed two versions of whether this customer -this guy -was good or bad) brought the child safely to her mother. It wasn't until they were reunited that I started to cry. I felt totally relieved that they were together and I felt totally ridiculous that my maternal instincts just had to kick in. It was just a video for cryin' out loud!

Sheldon: A Tragedy.

Hole. Eee. Cow. Yesterday was -was -I don't know! It was ...interesting, long, hard, stressful, painful, time consuming -everything!

I guess I'll start at the beginning, which is actually near the end of the day. It was six thirty and Seth and I were headed out to go and see a play in Kansas City. The play was Shakespeare's Othello and it was required of all my fellow English students to go and see it. It was free so long as you wanted to sit in the very back in the grass behind all the people sitting in chairs. Erm, no. I bought reserved seats instead for twenty bucks a chair. I had originally bought two tickets not knowing at all who I was going to take, knowing only that I didn't want to go alone. I had a while to figure out a second person. But here I was, a week after the purchase still without a companion. I asked my cousins if one of them would go with me and Melinda consented. On the day of, however, Melinda didn't feel up to it and requested that Seth go in her stead. So, here was Seth and I, driving to Kansas City in Sheldon, windows rolled down, and talking about the day.

We were driving up a hill when it happened. Thump-thump! I clutched the wheel as a thunderous sound echoed from under the car. If I wasn't nervous then, I definitely was now! "Is that my car?" -okay, now that might have been a really stupid question -of course it was my car! But Sheldon is known to make strange noises and have it not mean anything. Like for the past few months the left tire has been making a slight ticking noise (something brushing up against another, I don't think it's very serious) and nothing bad has come of it. Today however, it was the right wheel and something was obviously very wrong.

"Yeah," Seth said holding tightly to the frame of the door. "You need to pull over."

So, as best I could, I pulled over into the grass, leaving room for inspection of the drivers side wheel without having to stand in traffic. We were stranded on the side of a very busy highway and all those close cars made me uncomfortable. Not that anything in this situation was comfortable anyway. I waited as Seth climbed out of the car and made his way to the back of the Buick. I popped the trunk, as I was instructed, and I too climbed from the car. I watched, surprised, as Seth opened the trunk and pulled away a lid, cleverly disguised as the floor of the trunk, and pulled from this hidden compartment a car-jack and a puny looking wheel. (I had no idea that that was there! I figured that since this car was well over twelve years that no such equipment would be found. I am grateful that I was wrong. Yes, very grateful.) I watched carefully as Seth detached the flat tire and replaced it with the tiny doughnut. It wasn't long before we were on the road again, headed the opposite direction to trade cars; my car for Seth's car. There was no way my big Buick could make it to Kansas City on this tiny so-called wheel.

We managed to make it up, yet another hill when the car started to shake violently. Car-Blond that I am, I had to ask, "Is this normal?" I was once again instructed to pull over and I did, but not before I heard the noise again. Boom! I pulled over, just before the ditch of some large yard with a large house. My door was too close to traffic so I couldn't climb out and inspect the damage. But seeing Seth's expression as he rounded the car was enough for me. The doughnut had been blow, totally and utterly shredded. We called Melinda then and asked her to come and save us. I also left a message for the people at the play that I had blown a tire and asked if I could switch my reserved seats to another night as there was no way in the world we could make it there in time. I just hope that they'll consent.

As we drove to Wal-Mart with my flat tire in the back, I had time to reflect on the days events. The main question on my mind was, simply, "Why?" I'd like to be the kind of person who believes that there are no such thing as accidents. And I'm usually pretty good about twisting situations to sound better than they are or even about learning something new from an experience. But yesterday... I couldn't think of anything. Even as I turned the situation over in my head -looking at it from every side, I still couldn't see any good thing about this experience. Sure it gave me an opportunity to change a tire, but I already knew how to do that. And sure, it made me aware that my cousins would help me whenever I needed it, but I already knew that too... I don't know. Yesterday was just stinky.

"Well," I said to Seth as we waited for Melinda. "We went to see a tragedy. We sure got one."

Seth smiled, "And there were even two deaths."

We brought the tire to Wal-Mart and they fixed it without charging us anything. It didn't seem like the problem was by any means big, but the solution was definitely foreign to me. He never even told us what was wrong. We were there for about fifteen minutes and then we drove back to the busy highway, I reattached the tire, and then we made our way home again. It was a little after nine when we got home. Bleh.

I guess all I mean to say is 'Thank you Seth for helping me with my car, I owe you a ton! I don't know what I would have done if had blown on me on my way to school, instead. Probably freaked out, but anyway. I'm glad you were there.' and to Melinda. 'Thank you so much for saving us! Sorry for the inconvenience. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you, just let me know!'

So yeah, I was really bummed yesterday. I didn't make it to my play, though that didn't hurt as much as the wasted forty dollars did. I had a flat tire -that alone is enough to ruin anyone's day. I have to buy a new doughnut today. And I dragged my cousins into this gigantic mess of tires and wasted gas... Ungh. As easy as it is to blame myself for everything that happened yesterday, I think it would make me feel better if I just blamed Sheldon. His feelings can't get hurt. He's a car. I guess yesterday he was just being stubborn. He didn't want to go to the play, but he didn't want to come home either. Do you ever think that inanimate objects have a mind of their own...?

But as Melinda always says "Life is good. Everything will work out." And she's right. Everything will. I'm not sure how, but it will...

Farewell to Arms.

Beep!

I opened my eyes to my sunlit room, still very tired. I wasn't use to getting up this early...but I had to turn off my alarm. And fast!

Beep!

I turned my head to the bedside table on my left and saw the small light of my cell phone. I made to move my arm, to grab the annoying device, but nothing happened. I made to move the other arm, but to no avail. Something was wrong. Where were my arms? I alerted my brain of this horrifying discovery and sent it on a quest to find my arms! A ripple of feeling surged through my body. I could feel my legs, my torso, my shoulders, my head ...but still, no arms.

Beep!

I started panicking and threw my eyes across the room trying to find my missing limbs. My eyes bounced along the walls and landed unsuccessfully back in their sockets. Where were my arms? I alerted my brain once more to continue the search...but then, just before the second ripple, I felt something. On my head I could feel my fingers nestled in my thick hair. My fingers! My arms!

BEEP!

I had found my arms, but I couldn't feel them. The blood must have drained from them and now the feeling was completely gone. -But I never sleep with my hands over my head! How silly! -But I had to turn off my alarm! So, with all the strength I could muster, I pulled my arm across the bed to the small night stand and grabbed the phone. It was strange. I could see that I was holding the phone, that it was cradled in the palm of my hand, but I couldn't feel it. My arms were numb. I turned off my alarm and sat up straight dangling my useless limbs at my side trying to circulate the blood again. ....It was a strange morning.

Anyway, I had to turn off my alarm quickly because my cousins were sleeping in the media room -the one just outside my door. I didn't want to wake them. Who wants to be woken up fifteen minutes before six? I mean, seriously. Not me. But, of course, I had work. Bleh.

My cousins were in the media room because they were going to pain their room! They've wanted to paint it for like ever, but only just recently figured out a color. Two colors. They're going to paint the ceiling a tan-ish color and the walls a chocolate brown. I'll be good!

My Family.

This is my family. Well, the majority of us. Two of my sisters are missing and a few of the other children are sort of hidden from view. But I like these pictures. The ones where none of us are paying attention. I'm not sure why, though. I guess just because its so us. We're never paying attention when it comes to taking pictures. It takes us forever to get a picture that's just right. And someone's always blinking or squinting or something. But I like these pictures. No one's pretending to smile. No one has to worry about posing. Everyone is just themselves. I like it. Anyway, just thought I'd post a picture of us for those who have never seen them or haven't seen them in a while.

Red Thumb.

During the whole six months that I've had a straightener I have never once burned myself. My sister has a couple of times -got me right on the ear, but other than that I've been very lucky. Today, however, I was very un-lucky. (Obviously I was unlucky, why else would I be blogging about it?)

I had been pulling back my hair, swinging it all over my shoulder so that I could reach the back, and grabbed a chunk of it and clamped the straightener on top of it ...only ...I missed. Instead of getting my hair I got my thumb. I swear, of all the fingers -of all five fingers, the thumb is the one that gets all the pain. It's always the one that gets slammed in the door or squished by the window or cut by the knife or whatever. But anyway, it's all red right now and it feels as if it's still got the hot metal on it. I managed to burn half of my finger-print off. So, instead of feeling the small grooves of my unique finger -it's all smooth and very red. Ouch. But hey! I got good news! My arm isn't bruised at all from giving blood! ...actually, surprisingly, I feel a little jipped. I was kind of looking forward to a battle scar, something to show for all the pain I went through. Oh well. At least I know I can count on not getting a bruise whenever I give blood again...

Be Nice. I Gave Blood.

...Whoa. Giving blood was actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. Well, harder and yet just what I expected. Only I didn't expect...well, let me start at the beginning.

A few weeks ago, while I was headed to class, I spotted a sign on one of the doors that asked the students to come down and donate blood on the seventeenth of this month. I had never given blood before and really wanted too. It would be an exciting adventure. Plus I'd get to find out my blood type. I don't know why, but I'm very curious to know. So, I signed up to give blood at eleven o'clock on Tuesday morning -today.

It started at Breakfast. It's really hard for me to eat when I'm nervous. And today I was WAY nervous! I had never given blood before and I hate needles. So, I ate what my body could take. Two pop-tarts. And that was even pushing it. I actually felt really full, stuffed. I went to school as usual and then afterwards at eleven o'clock I made my way to the campus center for the Private Dinning Room. I found the room with relatively few directions and walked inside. I guess it was what I had expected. There were three hospital beds and a lot of people in scrubs. I was looking around the room when the lady at the desk asked what I was doing. "Well," I said as excitedly as I could manage -something like reverse psychology I think- pretend to be excited and you will be, something like that. Anyway it didn't work. I was shaking like crazy! "I'm here to give blood!"

The lady raised an eyebrow at my excitement. "Have you ever given blood before?"

"Nope!" I said smiling. I knew by the look on her face that I was in for something that I obviously had very little knowledge of. I frowned at her expression. "Is it that bad?"

"No. It's just that I could tell that you've never donated before."

Well, that was reassuring. Anyway, she asked me a lot of questions and I had to fill out a sheet of information. After that I was taken aside to "discuss" what was on the paper. I read over the 'educational' part of what they do with the blood after. They test if for lots of things, and half of them I hadn't the slightest idea what they were. But anyway. She pricked my finger, which didn't hurt a bit by the way, and slipped the blood covered slide into a thermometer like thing that records the hemoglobin, then she checked my pulse, my temperature, and my blood pressure. That part was all fine.

After that they made me drink some water and eat some cookies. I really didn't want to, my stomach was having trouble as it was with all those butterflies or whatever, but I made them happy. I practically chugged a full 17oz bottle of water and nearly swallowed two oreos whole. Then it was straight for the chair. That was the part where I got REALLY nervous. I sat in the chair and one of the doctors introduced himself to me and I to him. His name was Ty. Anyway, after the intro he used my legs as a desk and spread my papers across them so that he could easily read them while he worked. I could see that the papers were shaking and was glad that he didn't notice.

Oh! One more thing. A few months ago I discovered these rashes that had developed on both of my inner-elbows. I didn't think much of them at first, small dime size rashes didn't mean anything to me. But after a while they started to grow. Now they are each about the size of two half dollar coins. The doctors were all a little concerned about it. They didn't want to stick me where the rashes were and for a while it looked like I wasn't going to able to give blood at all. As much as that would have helped my nervous, not having to do this, I wanted to. I wanted to help. So, after insisting that they didn't hurt and that everything would be okay, they went ahead and let me donate.

Back to the story, he, Ty, wrapped a band around my arm and wiped a ton of alcohol on my left arm. After that he warned me that he was now going to insert the needle and that it was okay if I looked away. "No," I said wanting nothing more than to look away and shut my eyes, "I'll watch." So, I watched. Well, sort of. He found the vain and pressed the needle into my skin. The pinch didn't bother me as much as actually watching the big needle disappear into my skin. Despite myself, I looked away. I watched it go into my skin though. I was determined to watch. I promised myself that I would, I wanted to be tough!

Well, after that it was all down hill. For the most part. Or at least, I thought it was. He had me squeeze a small orange ball over and over again. I could feel the warm blood against my skin, separated by a small plastic tube. The blood was dark and I was surprised that I didn't fell any different. Ty kept asking if I was okay and I kept reassuring him that I was. Ha, I was nervous for this? I couldn't even feel it!

"Well, if you start feeling nauseous or light headed just let me know, alright?"

I nodded, sure that I wasn't going to have to tell him anything. I felt fine. Really. I watched the blood slowly fill up the one pint bag all the while squeezing the small orange ball. Squeeze, release. Squeeze release. I kept at the constant pattern and listened to the conversation around me. The doctors were hilarious, telling all these stories and just having a good time. When I was eating, a song came on the radio and one of the ladies thought it was really funny. The song was "Bleeding Love" preformed by Leona Lewis and the lady -I never did catch her name- started singing along. "I Keep bleeding! I keep, keep, bleeding!" Anyway, it was really funny, but I guess it was something you'd have to actually see in order to fully appreciate.

Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. This is okay. Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. I still feel fine. Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. I could do this forever! Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. ...And then it happened. I could feel the blood rush from my head and the room started spinning. The voices in the background now sounded very distant. My eyes were open, but everything was getting dark. Nothing was in focus anymore. My head spun and my body stared shaking.

"Ty, I'm feeling light headed." My voice was quiet and he didn't' hear. For a second I thought I could ignore the pain. I could pull through. He didn't have to know anything was wrong. I could ignore it. ...no. The second wave of nausea made it hard to think. ...the pain was overwhelming. "Ty!" He looked at me then when I forced the words to come out again. I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to get out. "I'm felling light headed."

...and then immediately ...they were everywhere. I could see the tops of their heads as the chair under me suddenly became a bed. I could see them, see their mouths moving, but I couldn't hear anything. I struggled to even keep my eyes open at this point. I felt my legs being lifted and then the sting as they placed cold rags against my skin. One on my forehead, one on my neck, and then one on my stomach. I wanted to disappear, to close my eyes and never open them. It was hard to see anyway, it wouldn't hurt if I closed my them...

"Keep your eyes open!" Someone said as I started to drift. "Stay with us!"

...It wasn't a big deal, I guess, in the long run. The doctors said that this sort of thing happens all the time. ...Still. It scared me. I donated the minimum amount of blood that day. Four hundred fifty milliliters. The max, the usual, is five hundred. I was nearly a hundred away when I started feeling light headed. I still had a long way to go. I squeezed and released starting to really detest the small orange ball in my hands. ...it was hard to finish. But I did. Everyone in the room at that point knew my name. "It's okay, Julia, your doing great." "You're almost there, Julia." "How you doin' Julia, feeling alright?" I felt embarrassed.

I squeezed faster wanting this to be over as soon as possible. The lady who had first asked me questions nearly jumped across the bed to rip the ball out of my hands. "She's squeezing too fast!" The ladies arm was stretched across the bed toward Ty who was monitoring the amount of blood I was giving.

Ty looked at me then with worried eyes. "Slow down, honey. Hold it for five counts and then release for five." He held out his hand and squeezed an imaginary ball to show me what to do. It was hard. I didn't want to squeeze anymore. I wanted my blood to stay where it was. I let my eyes focus on the sealing as I counted. One, two, three, four, five -release. One, two, three, four, five -squeeze... After a few minutes the lady asked if I was still "here". She was afraid that I was losing focus again. I looked at her to let her know that I was fine, and nodded.

I was glad when the numbers finally read four hundred fifty. I wanted to go home. I wanted to burn the small orange ball. I wanted to rip the needle out of my arm and dart out of the room. But I didn't. ...I didn't say much of anything after that. The doctors made me lie on the bed for an extra half hour, shoving drink after drink of Tropicana orange juice at me. I unwillingly drank three glasses. By that time I was sitting up in the chair with my legs over the side. I watched as the man in the bed next to me got up, drank a glass of juice, grabbed a bag of cookies and left. He had been in here for about ten minutes, total. I, on the other hand, had been in here for over eighty. And still counting.

"Well, your lips look pink again," the lady informed me as she walked by the room to get a glass of water for one of the patients.

"...What color were they before?" I asked, curious.

"White," the doctor said. "Like a ghost. Pasty, Casper, white." ....Ugh.

"Next time, remember to eat something heavy, like eggs and bacon. Eat a good breakfast as well as a good dinner the night before and don't forget to drink a lot of water." ...Yeah, I would definetely remember that one. There was no way I was going to go through this again without having something more in my stomach...

I waited for the head doctor to give me the okay to leave, but only after I had finished off another glass of orange juice. He said it would make him feel better if I did. After that I was free to leave. As I walked out of the door the doctors all said goodbye to me, by name, and thanked me for coming down. I was glad to finally leave. I feel fine now, for the most part. My stomach is empty and I feel very tired.

I got a sticker. It reads "Be nice to me I gave blood today." Yup. That's definitely going into my journal.

Disturbing Night.

The warm air felt good after being inside the freezing store all day. As I shut the giant metal door behind me I heard the sound of an engine rush by at full speed. That would be my fellow-closer. She had managed to weasel out as fast as she could because she had somewhere "important" to be. I turned just in time to see the silver car disappear behind the neighboring building. Gol-lee!

I made my way to the old Buick on the other side of the parking lot. As I was walking I shoved my hand in my purse and dug around for my keys. Somehow they always managed to be at the very bottom! While my fingers brushed against everything but my keys I let my eyes wander around. I typically wasn't afraid of being out so late in a big city. This wasn't the first time I had closed -or in this case -walked outside at ten-thirty by myself. I had closed dozens of times and nothing bad ever happened. Why should I be scared? Still, I managed to jump as I heard the loud squeal of a car.

My eyes jumped to the restaurant next door, across the street. I saw the puff of black smoke roll from under a giant red truck as it shot out of the parking lot. I glanced around for a minute trying to calm my nerves and tell myself that it was nothing. It was then when I noticed the man standing right where the truck had been only seconds before. The man was bent over, staggering along the practically empty lot. It was obvious that he was drunk. Drunk and probably everything that goes with it. I watched him struggle to stand upward again, and then gasped when he managed to right himself. I knew this man. His bald head and refrigerator like build was unmistakable. It was my boss. My body tensed when he met my gaze. I knew my boss was the drinking type, but I didn't know how he acted when he was drunk. I had heard stories of how he had become violent and even threatened one of his own employees- his best friend, as a matter of fact -when he was in such a state. To be honest I was scared out of my mind. It was then that I noticed that I had only taken a few steps away from the building. My car was still at the opposite end of the parking lot. The distance seemed horrifying.

I was frozen where I was, scared stiff. He was still looking at me. No, he was glaring at me. Whatever happened just now definitely hadn't happened in his favor. He was angry. The shiver that ran down my spine seemed to shake through my entire body and I was again able to move. I walked slowly to my car, slowly as if this man were a giant grizzly that I didn't want to startle. My legs pushed faster as the man started towards me. I tried to ignore him as he began spitting words out as fast as he could. Nearly all of what he said was slurred or random. I hadn't the slightest idea what he was saying. When he was half way across the street, halfway to the store, my legs kicked into a full run. A surge of adrenaline seemed to have set off in him as well and he ran toward me just as fast.

I raced to my car and slammed against the drivers side, unable to stop myself properly. I slipped my fingers under the handle and wedge it upward. To my horror I heard the faint click that meant the door was still locked. The search for my keys had been forgotten and now it was too late to go digging again. He was getting closer. My car, as I have mentioned before, has some defects. First of all, it doesn't lock. Well, it does, it just doesn't stay locked. If I ever lock my keys in my car (which I have actually done before, only on purpose) all I have to do is click the door handle and it will eventually open. It usually takes about a good thirty seconds. I was aware of this, of course, but my nerves seemed to have forgotten and I started slamming my hands against the door.

"Please -please -please!" I hissed to my car as the man stormed across the street. He was already at the edge of the parking lot and it would only take seconds for him to close the space between us. To my relief the door clicked again and I was able to throw open the door, jump in and slam it again just in time. I jumped when the man -my boss -threw his weight against my car. My fingers fumbled around the door and smashed the lock down. I leaned over the passenger seat and managed to lock that one as well. I just hopped he would forget about the back doors that still remained unlocked. He was yelling now, hammering his fists against the hood of my car. I braced myself against the seat as the car began rocking back and forth. My heart was pounding and my entire body was shaking. I shoved my hand once again, into my purse and found my keys. Frantically, I tossed the keys between my fingers trying to find the right one. It took me a moment to find it and shove it into the slot. When I managed to make it fit, I stopped. The car was no longer moving. I could no longer hear the gruff voice of my manager. ...I looked up to see what had happened.

The man was walking toward the building, his back was all I could see. I sat up straight trying to figure out what he was doing. He leaned down and I could see by his arms that he had picked something up -something heavy- only, I couldn't see what it was. When he turned my heart stopped. In his hands was a large smooth brick. It was the one we always used to prop the back door open whenever we had a chance to take out the trash. It was the size of textbook and worked well to hold open the heavy door. My head spun in circles as I tried to think of what to do. The blood had drained from my face and I was sure that if I didn't inhale soon I was going to faint. I had forgotten how to breath.

Just then, I remembered a conversation that I had had with my cousins concerning these strange hypothetical situations where I would have to use self defense. I remember some of the moves that they had showed me, but right now those really wouldn't help me. Help. That was what I needed. I needed to get someones attention. I needed someone to hear me. "Just scream," my cousins had told me. "Someone will hear you."

I'm not the screaming type. When I get scared I usually just gasp. It's too much effort to have to have to inhale and then exhale at maximum volume. Maybe if I were a full soprano that would be different. My scream would sound better and perhaps carry a lot farther. But I'm no soprano. I don't scream. But I had to do something. I let the air rush into my lungs and I could feel the blood start to flow back into my head again. I didn't know how far my scream would carry from the inside of my car, but there was no way I was going to get out. So, I screamed. I didn't have to force it as the shadow of the man covered my entire window. I leaned back in my chair away from the window and braced my arms against the door and arm-rest. I continued to scream as the man lifted the brick over his head and sent it flying at the driver's side window. I stopped abruptly when the window smashed and the glass covered my lap. I shut my eyes and waited. My heart was pounding and I was breathing very fast. I waited. I don't know how long. I don't know what exactly I was waiting for, but I waited. And then... it happened.

I heard it. The loud piercing siren that sent my heart pounding at double the speed. I opened my eyes and reached for my pocket. I extracted my cell phone and flipped it open. It was six-thirty am, Sunday morning. I was lying on the floor in my sisters' room. I was at my parents house. Nothing had happened. It was all just a dream. A nightmare. I don't usually have nightmares, actually, I hardly remember my dreams at all!

But boy! What a night!

Duckie

This is my littlest sister Haylee. She preformed in a dance recital for her pre-school class, well, actually, it's a day-care thing. I think. Anyway, my step-mom had quite a few videos of her preforming. There were three that I really liked, but I think this one is my favorite, just because of what Haylee does. She was dancing (and in many of the videos, she somehow makes her way up to the very front of the stage) anyway, as she was dancing, as you can see she just started waving to the crowd and then she spotted my dad in the crowd. "Oh, my Daddy!" So, two year old that she is, she darted off the stage as fast as she could, but then had to turn around and finish preforming. My Dad didn't even notice what she had done until afterward. Anyway, I just thought I'd give you a peek at my family. Well, one portion of it... Oh, and you'll notice how she keeps picking up the rubber duck and setting it down again. I think the dance instructor put little pieces of tape on the stage to mark where the ducks should be and Haylee HAD to have her duck EXACTLY on the marker. Crazy kid!

Want to be Educated?

Do you ever forget that your wearing a hat? Or do you ever forget that there's a wall right next to you? ... Well, I have. I was at work the other day and I was in the bathroom fixing my uniform or blowing my nose or something, but anyway as I was walking out I took one quick peek at my appearance again -just to see if I looked decent -you know, no troll hair- and then turned to walk out. Well, I forgot that the wall was that close and that I was wearing a hat that stuck out like six inches. Needless to say I slammed right into the wall and my hat, somehow, ended up on the side of my face. So yeah, I have a giant bruise on my knee now. But I think that's the only part of me that got hurt. My knee. Of all the limbs to bruise! It hurts like crazy! I can hardly walk up the stairs. But it will be fine.

A guy that I was working with got me an ice-pack to ease the pain. You know those kind that you have to punch in order to work? Well, there's a big bag and inside there is a smaller bag with some sort of blue liquid inside and then outside of the bag there's all these little white puff ball looking things. Well anyway, you're suppose to punch the bag so that the blue bag breaks and leaks into the millions of tiny white balls, and then magically, the pack gets really cold.

Well anyway the guy set the pack on the counter and got all ready to punch it: jumping around and popping his knuckles -something you'd see a pro-boxer do just before a big match. Anyway, it was pretty funny, but it was even funnier when the guy punched it. He took one big slam to the counter with his fist and then looked at the bag to see if it had worked. After examining the pack he got all quiet and his face turned a slight shade of pink. It hadn't worked. I offered to do it afterwords, exclaiming that I looked like fun. Well, maybe not fun, but I did want to punch it.

I slipped my ring off and then leaned over the table, punching the bag as hard as I could. It broke on the first punch, but I had to slam it a couple of times to make it worth while. It wouldn't have been much fun to only punch the thing once. The metal counter hurt my knuckles, but the pack immediately turned cold. It felt really good against my knee (and fist too) But yeah, that's about the only exciting thing that's happened.

A while later I got into a discussion with one of my fellow employees and a couple of costumers about what the difference is between vegetables and fruits. We started talking about it because of the tomatoes we could no longer serve. Salmonella had gotten to them and that just made us wonder whether tomatoes were fruits or vegetables. Personally, I always thought of them as vegetables. I like fruits, but I didn't like the vegetables as much, and I never did like tomatoes, so I guess that automatically put them in the vegi group.

Fruit: any product of plant growth useful to humans or animals. The developed ovary of a seed plant with its contents and accessory parts, as the pea pod, nut, tomato, or pineapple. (Hence, the tomato is actually a fruit.) The edible part of a plant developed from a flower, with any accessory tissues, as the peach, mulberry (I didn't even know that was a fruit! I just thought it was some street name thought up by Dr. Seuss) Anything produced or accruing; product, result, blah, blah, blah.

Vegetable: any plant whose fruit, seeds, roots, tubers, bulbs, stems, leaves, or flower parts are used as food, as the tomato (...wait a second I thought they were fruits!), bean, beet, potato, onion, asparagus, spinach, or cauliflower. The edible part of such a plant, as the tuber of the potato. Any member of the vegetable kingdom; plant. A person who is severely impaired mentally blah blah blah.

Wikipedia says that Botanically, a tomato is the ovary, together with its seeds, of a flowering plant: therefore it is a fruit or, more precisely, a berry. However, the tomato is not as sweet as those foodstuffs usually called fruits and, from a culinary standpoint, it is typically served as part of a salad or main course of a meal, as are vegetables, rather than at dessert in the case of most fruits. As noted above, the term "vegetable" has no botanical meaning and is purely a culinary term. ...Well, that's helpful.

Hah! We asked one of the customers if he knew the difference between a fruit and a vegetable and he was like "Yeah, sure I do. Like an orange, and a carrot." We waited for a second for him to continue with some scientific definition, but when he stopped we just laughed. It was really funny, I guess you would have had to have been there...

And then we got onto the subject of cooking and baking. What's the difference? We guessed it had something to do with preparing food either in the oven or on the stove. I guess we were somewhat right.

Cook: to prepare (food) by the use of heat, as by boiling, baking or roasting. To subject (anything) (like dogs or cats, or computers, or houses, or hair) to the application of heat. To ruin; spoil, blah, blah, blah.

Bake: to cook by dry heat in an oven or on heated metal or stones. To harden by heat: to bake pottery in a kiln. To dry by, or subject to heat: The sun baked the land, blah, blah.

So, then I asked, if cookies were cooked in the oven and to bake something would be to put it into the oven, then why aren't cookies called bakies? I mean, it makes sense right? But then, so does cooking cookies. I don't know. Don't you just love the English language!

Sheldon

I was thinking a while ago about what I should name my car. I always thought it would be cool to name a car, don't you think? Well, now that I finally have one, and it's been nearly six months or so I thought it was high time I gave it a name. Well, I thoght of lots of different names for my twelve year old, burgandy, rag-topped car, but none of them stuck. This car was one of a kind. It need a name that fit! And then it hit me: SHELDON!

Sheldon is a small town off of highway 71. It has a populaton of slightly over 529 people. It was where I first got my car. Seth and Melinda drove me (aren't they the best!) down halfway to meet up with my Dad and older brother to exchange the car. We pulled into a small parkinglot that had only one light post. Overhead there was a sign, nearly burnt out, that read FOOD. Next to us was a run down building (either that or it was just closed for the night, but with the quality of the building it was hard to tell.) Anyway, we waited in the car for my Dad to arrive and when he finally did I was practically frozen stiff! It was so cold outside, well, I mean of course we waited in the warm car, but still. Anyway, I won't go through the story again because I think I already posted it a long time ago. Mid January maybe. I don't know. I just wanted to tell you the history of the name Sheldon.

I like that name for my car. It fits. (Haha, now it's a Grandpa Car!) Anyway, I just thought that would be something fun to blog about. Nothing big.

Home Again.

I lied. I didn't mean to, but I did.

I never got my interview. The Second Counselor had an emergency to take care of and he had to reschedule. I gave him my number and he promised that he'd get me in as soon as he could. I sure hope it's soon. As my cousin puts it, "Every day that your application goes unfinished is another application getting accepted." ...If he was trying to stress me out it sure worked. The deadline isn't until October, but he's right. I'm running out of time!

Seth and Melinda got back around five or six-ish, I can't remember. I had called Seth to see when approximately they'd get home and he said in about forty minutes. So, I cleaned up around the house (again) did some dishes, made dinner, and before I knew it, the thunderous sound of the garage door being pulled open echoed throughout the house. I nearly had a heart attack! I don't know why it scared me. I knew they were going to be home soon. ....But it's like the toaster. That thing always scares me! I could countdown to the very second it's going to pop and yet it never fails to startle me! I always jump.

Anyway, I didn't talk much as they entered the house and began unloading. I don't know why. I guess being alone in the house for as long as I'd been my talkative-ness kind of went away. Or maybe... ...When I first moved here I had a hard time being myself. Like I was very quiet, I didn't know how to act around my cousins. I feel that way every time I leave and come back. Even if it's just for a day. It's like I have to get back into the pattern of being here, like I have to "meet" my cousins again each time. I guess yesterday was no different. ...Anyway... I helped (as best as I could) to unload their car. After that I sat at the table and watched as both Seth and Melinda went through the pile of mail I had collected throughout the last two weeks. It was fun, even though I just watched and listened. In a way it almost felt as if my lack of conversation during these past weeks was finally catching up to me. I liked it. I didn't realize how much I had missed them.

I'm sure glad their home!

DAY SIXTEEN!!!

Yay! They're finally coming home!

I got up early. Cleaned the house a bit. -During these past two weeks I've found that it's easier for me to just leave my things in a more convenient place than actually taking the effort to put them away. Like for example, it's easier to put all four pairs of shoes by the door than in my closet upstairs. I don't know why. It certainly doesn't look good. And I like to keep my school notes on the kitchen table just because it's there. I also noticed that, after doing my laundry I'd fold it and just leave them on the floor in the living room. I was too lazy to take them upstairs and put them in my room. The house wasn't messy it was just... I don't know, being put to use. Its not that I'd leave messes its just that I'd leave things lying around. Does that makes sense? Like, it wasn't a dirty kind of mess, but an organized one. ...Nevermind.

Anyway, after that I got on the computer and did a little bit of my online class. I probably shouldn't have considering that it is technically "school" and today is the Sabbath. But regardless, I still did it. Now, I'm just waiting for eleven o'clock to roll around so that I can head off to my Ecclesiastical Endorsement Interview for Brigham Young University in Idaho, by the Stake President (either him or one of his counselors). But yeah, I'm finally getting it! I've been trying to get this interview for a really long time and have just now started seeing the fruits of my labors. :) I actually got ahold of the Secretary and gave him my number and just asked him to schedule and interview for me whenever and I'd find a way to be there. He called me yesterday at work and said the the President would be at my church on Sunday, so I finally get to get this over with! This interview is one of the last things I need for my BYU-I application. The last thing is my GED. I'm suppose to fax it, and I tried it before, but I guess it didn't pull through. I'll have to try again. So yeah, after those two things I'll have officially applied! Wish me luck!

Day Fifteen

I went to the church today at nine o'clock and helped the Young Women make pizzas for a fund raiser. They had to earn money for Girls Camp. It's like eighty dollars per girl! Well, we made about seventy pizza's in two hours. I forgot my cell phone as well as my contacts. I always nearly always forget my contacts. I'm usually downstairs squinting at the clock when I notice that I can't see anything. But I never forget my cell phone. That thing has been practically glued to my side for over three weeks. I used to just keep it in my purse, but after a while I just decided to keep it within reach. Especially with all the calls I'd been missing.

I discovered some things while I was there. First, that flour is very obvious on black pants (but, of course, I already knew that... You'd think I'd learn) and that I'm actually very good at making pizza crust. I think I made about ten. Well I had the job of putting flour into the dough, kneading it, and then rolling it out on the cardboard cut outs. Mine always looked round and I managed to get them to actually touch the edges. I was surprised that they turned out so good! I guess there are some hidden talents in me somewhere! And this whole time I thought I was empty handed! ;)

After that I went home and blogged. Ha. Of course, that's what I'm doing now. Well, my cousins are coming home tomorrow! I'm not sure what time they'll be here, though. Oh well. I'll be sure and stay up for them though. ...I'll try anyway. No guarantees.

I have work tonight at five and then I have church at eleven thirty tomorrow. That means I'll have time to study for my exam on Tuesday. I have to start reading Hamlet too. Well, I've started I just haven pursued. I also need to read the entire Book of Mormon by mid-August. I sure hope I can get everything done! I'll have both my jobs, both my classes, two books to read, the scriptures to read, and I also have to do a service project by August too. My ward is doing this activity where you can only go if you read the entire Book of Mormon and do a service project or something similar by a certain deadline. The reward is that you get to go on a two day canoe trip! How cool is that!? Wish me luck!

Day Fourteen

I went to work today at ten and got off at three. After that I went to the bank and then did a little bit of shopping. Not really though, well not as much for myself. My cousins/hosts anniversary is coming up and I wanted to get them something. After I called and asked them what they wanted they pretty much just blew me off, saying that they didn't want anything or that it would be weird for me to get them anything. Tu-uhh. Stubborn... unhelpful... uhh...

So, after shopping I went home and got ready for my "night out on the town." I was going to go and watch a movie with my friend, Michele. We watched Kung Fu Panda. It was hilarious! Michele and I were laughing so hard and loud, and that made us laugh more because we were probably louder than anyone else. But it was so funny! Michele loves Jack Black! I don't really care for him as much, but this movie was really good. It was one of those good stories where it actually has a moral or lesson to be learned.

After the movie we went out to Sheridan's Latte's and Frozen Custard and had cookie-dough ice cream concretes. Michele's a sucker for ice-cream. Then again, so am I. I could eat it almost every day! ...almost. After that she took me to HyVee and we looked around for a little while. We looped around the store and near the end I found this gigantic bin of books for like 75% off and HAD to go and investigate. There were so many books! Mostly they were children's books, but I know someone who collects them and I had to see if there was anything worth buying. I could have stayed there for hours turning over each book to read the title, or even read a few of them while I was there, but Michele was getting bored. I grabbed a couple of them that I liked and bought them. I hate having money! I always spend it! I mean I like getting my bills payed off, but I don't like having money that I can actually burn. If I can burn it, I will! 100% guarantee! But they were good books. Educational ones. Besides, they were really cheap.

Day Thirteen

I went to school today. Good lesson. We learned about the pyramids of ancient Egypt. I enjoyed it very much. My professor is good about putting stories into his lectures. That's the way I learn, by stories. It makes history more fun and more real to me. Without stories or some sense of personality all these historic people are just names or pictures in a book, nothing more.

Anyway, after school I called my cousin, Marisa, and asked if I could spend the day at her house. I didn't have work today and I wanted to take advantage. I hadn't seen my cousin in ages and she only lives about twenty minutes away. I'd have felt bad if I didn't go and visit her at least once while I'm here.

Well, she told me the directions of how to get there. Her apartment is just beyond the Missouri River and you have to pass Kansas City to get there. Have I ever mentioned that I hate the traffic there? Well then, I'll say it: I hate the traffic there! First off, I get so confused as to what lane to be in. Holy Cow there are like three to four at one time and I can't ever figure it out! And then, of course, the traffic itself is completely booked all the time. People rushing by, people taking their sweet time on the road -cruising along like there wasn't a huge back up behind them. Ugh! I was one of those confused drivers who had to make up their mind at the last minute: Do I turn here? Is it this lane? Yes? No? What?

Well, that twenty minute drive I was just talking about took almost sixty. Hu. I hate asking for directions. She had already told me the way and I was determined to learn on my own. I find that it sticks better in my brain that way. If I have someone help me the learning process doesn't work too well.

I crossed the Missouri river six times yesterday. First, I crossed it with relief. I had just met up with a split in the road and had to make a choice of which direction to go down. My logic went a little childish and I picked the road that looked more pretty, more lit up, instead of the dark, not so pretty one. Do you remember the movie Beauty and the Beast? Do you remember the part where the Dad and the horse and trying to find their way to the fair? Well, they met up with a split in the road and they had to make a choice. The horse, brilliant creature as it was, started going down the bright, colorful road, where the birds were all chirping; but the Dad wanted to go the "short cut" where the road was dark and the theme music suggested that it wasn't safe at all. Well that's how it was for me. But with the roads in Kansas City, a driver never has time to pick and choose the road they want, the traffic is much to fast for that, and I didn't have any helpful theme music, either. So, with a split second view of the roads I picked the most appealing. And I was so lucky that it was the right one! Sigh. I felt so relieved. I was almost there!

...Well, sort of. I took the wrong exit the first time, crossed the Missouri river a second time, looped back around crossing it again and then took the same stupid wrong exit, crossed the river, looped around, and then finally found the right street. It was so easy! Had I just gone straight instead of turning I would have found it. It was like two miles down the road! Ugh!

I had fun at my cousins. Her two boys are so cute! We went bike riding with the boys in the trailer and we went shopping. We went to Target and bought a few things. Read some books. It was fun! The boys started getting restless so we went home shortly after that. We talked mostly. Catching up on old times or just joking around about silly brain-fart experiences we've had, i.e. putting milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge, finding random things in the fridge, forgetting why in the world we went to a certain room, looking for the toilet in the laundry room, etc, etc. It was really fun! I am so glad I decided to go!

We ate chinese food in the living room with her boys and hubby and watched the weather. I left around ten-ish (I think, its hard to tell with Marisa's clock. It runs backwards -numbers and all!) trying to avoid the storms there were suppose to hit near the area. There was a report of 42 tornadoes along a certain part of the northern states all within the last twenty four hours. Isn't that insane? Well, I had no trouble getting home, like at all. Oh! and as I was driving I noticed a van behind me and as it was passing me (I was stuck behind a diesel, unwilling to pass because I was afraid I'd miss my exit) I noticed with a quick glance each of the windows that flew by. One, two, three....four...five...six...seven... eight! Wow! I gawked as the dark van-size limo sped past the diesel and was eventually lost among the flow of traffic. It was so cool! ....Ha! Shows you how simple my life is. It was just a car. And as I was entering Kansas City the first time I thought it was so cool! All those Huge buildings! It reminded me of when Melinda and I went to see Stephenie Meyer. The buildings were so big and beautiful!

I got home just before the rain started pouring. I watched the news with weary eyes and managed to get to my bed before I fell unconscious. I was so pooped out! I prayed that night that I would wake up if the tornado sirens went off, I was that tired. I was worried I would just sleep through them! But, fortunately, that didn't happen. ...At least, that I know of. The following day, everyone was talking about how bad it was and I couldn't join in because I had slept through it all. Well, nothing bad happened. I'm all in one piece and so is the house.

Poor Boy....

Bored

Well, it's still day twelve I suppose. Well no not really. The beginning of day thirteen. Its one in the morning. I'm bored. Not exactly tired either. I have the day off tomorrow and will probably drive to Kansas City to visit a cousin. But I don't know. To take up the time I've been looking up funny voice-mails. I found one that was funny and changed it to my phone. But, if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! ...well, I guess I'll go now. Nothing really more to talk about...

Day Twelve

Got up early. Still very tired. Went to school. Went to the bookstore to buy a few books for my online class. Bought shoes. Came home. Ate lunch. Got on the computer...

So far, today hasn't been very exciting. Although, I guess it is pretty exciting if you count the fact that I now have a new job. Yay! I went in to Lowes to check up on my application status and the manager was just like "Yeah! We'd like to hire you for position of cashier. Is that alright with you?" Duh. I thanked her and we figured out the best time for me to start work. I requested a two week 'delay' for the sake of my present job. I still want to work there -well, not really want, I just need the money -but I'll still have both jobs I'll just need my present one to move me to days. And if that can't happen, well then, I'll just have to find something else. I'll keep Lowes. I like it there. And I'm totally ready to upgrade from the food business!

So yeah, in two weeks I'll have an additional job. I am way excited! I'm ready for more!

Day Eleven

Got up early. Went to school. Came home did some homework. Left for work early so that I could see if I could find a replacement for my puppy-loved shoes. I found a good pair, but wanted to wait until I had looked around a bit more. I did a little bit of window shopping and, because its me, I ended up buying something. But I really wanted it and I guess you could put it under the list of 'needs' but it wasn't really. I'll definitely use it though!

Work was dull. That is, until the end. I went outside to take out the trash and noticed a gigantic black cloud directly over the neighboring store. What caught my attention about this cloud was not just its dark color, but the simple fact that it was turning. Swirling. Making its way to the ground. It was beautiful, to see nature like that. I opened the door and called my fellow employees to see. I was working with a boy and girl. The boy thought it was really cool. The girl on the other hand, started freaking out: "We're gonna die! I'm not even kidding. We're gonna die!"

And then, almost as if on cue, it started to rain. Like pouring, it's gonna flood the earth, kind of rain. It didn't stop for a long time. Then, near nine o'clock, when I was out in the lobby, I noticed a faint tinking sound against the back door. Naturally, I went to investigate. I was shocked when I opened the door. The noise increased and sounded like some form of machine gun and my hand, the one holding the door, was getting stung, almost as if the machine gun were shooting it. My grip on the large door faltered and I had to catch it before it swung shut against my body. I stepped back, door still open, as small white balls hurled into the building. Hail. It was hailing. And it hurt. I shut the door, and though I had only been outside a short time, I was soaked.

The night was pretty exciting to tell you the truth. Lots of rain. The sky turned completely black by nine-thirty and the sirens even went off a couple of times. Lightning kept the building well lit and the rolling thunder kept it constantly vibrating. But, so far as I know, it wasn't something to worry about.

I stayed up reading again, though not quite as late. Maybe One in the morning. I went to sleep before the rain turned off. It wasn't easy, but I was tired.

The weather here in Tornado Valley is rather exciting! Tornadoes back home were practically unheard of. It sure does rain a lot here... I haven't had to water the flowers for a long while. Anyway...

Day Ten

It is a truth scientifically acknowledged, that whatever goes up, must, at some point, come down.

I am sorry to say that that goes with moods as well. Today was horrible.

It started well, however, but that was short lived. At nine-seven in the morning, things started taking a turn. I was sitting at school waiting for my class to start, passing the time away by reading a book. And I was really into it! Anyway, the phone rang and once I saw that tiny name I didn't want to answer it. It was my work and why else would they be calling other than to call me in early. Perhaps to tell me I had the day off? -Fat chance.

Naturally, I answered. And, of course, I was right. They wanted me to come in three hours early. ...Well, its better than five. Ungh. I had a very strong desire to yell into the little receiver, "No! I won't come in to work!" ...but... I didn't. I'm not one for "making a scene." I simply told them that I'd call in two hours, after my class was over and I had time to think about what I might be doing.

Class was cramped. I felt very claustrophobic and sat in the very first row -the closest chair to the door -ready to escape just as soon as ten-forty-five rolled around whether the instructor was done or not. Class wasn't bad. No, actually it was. I had been sold the wrong book -again -and was starting to stress. He gave us a very big reading assignment and, as if that didn't make me feel bad as it was, I didn't even have the book to read it. And if I decided to go to work, I wouldn't even have time to read it if I did have it. Another 'Ungh'.

The instructor seemed nice. He was very into his subject. But he scared me too. Not him as a person, but just as soon as he mentioned that our first exam was a week from today I really started to stress! -I didn't even have the book!

When class finally ended, and my name called for roll, I dashed out of the class and didn't slow down until I was at my car. I drove home in the rain. I couldn't help but see it as an omen to my misery. And the fact that it let up just before my shift didn't help either.

I changed into my uniform and called work to let them know I would be their soon, right after a few errands. Then I made my way to the school with my wrong book and the receipt that purchased it.

I pulled into the school parking lot and made my way down the aisle. I guess I wasn't giving the road my one hundred percent -I was busy stressing -but what happened next was not my fault. I flipped my blinker on in the lot and started to turn right. I had done this dozens of times before and nothing bad has ever happened. It only seemed to fit that if something was going to happen it would be today...

I turned my car slowly down the student parking lot and was surprised when a giant black SUV rushed out only to slam on the breaks a foot in front of me. My foot was lead on the break and the gesture had sent me full into the seatbelt so that I was leaning forward nearly pressed against the steering wheel. Adrenaline rushed through me and I could feel the blood start to pound in my ears.

I threw the car in reverse and made the way clear for the giant vehicle. We were starting to cause a traffic jam, with cars pulling out trying to leave and cars pulling in trying to get here. I watched with a blank expression as the SUV pulled out in front of me stealing the right of way. I couldn't help but notice the expression on the drivers face. The lady was avoiding my gaze and her lips were pursed ...almost as if I had done something wrong. She was the one who failed to notice me. Failed to even stop as she raced down the lot, until she was forced to stop. That made me annoyed. But only a little. I was still a little disoriented from the 'almost accident' that my car would definitely not have survived.

Despite my desire to sit there and calm myself, I pulled out of the way for the other drivers. I quickly parked and made my way up to the school. I managed to return my book in exchange for the two books that my class required. After that I headed off to work, grudgingly. Now that I finally had the right book, I wouldn't even have time to read it.

And then, about my internet class, I couldn't find it. The lady at the desk just told me to go to a certain site. She was so set on the fact that she was right, that I didn't bother to argue that I had already tried that a dozen times this morning. Needless to say, I came up empty handed. I finally just emailed the professor in hopes of a little guidance. To tell you the truth I'm not ever sure that the email went through... Ugh.

Work wasn't bad. The rain had taken it's toll and kept many of the would-be customers at bay. I was glad for that. And since I was training a new closer we didn't get out 'til late. I went home after that, got myself cleaned up and ready for bed, but I didn't go to sleep. I stayed up and read. At one in the morning I decided that I should probably get some rest. So I turned off the lights and just laid there. Nope. I really wasn't tired. So I got back up and flipped the lamp on and read. I was up until a quarter past three.

In my defense, I probably couldn't have slept anyway. A huge thunderstorm rolled in just as I decided to continue reading and I was sure that it wasn't one I could just ignore. The rain dashed against the windows and the thunder rumbled the house. I curled up at the head of my bed with the book laid open on my knees and tried to concentrate on the scene in the book. It wasn't easy. The lightning continually lit my room and the pelting rain, like rocks against the glass, made me a little worried. It reminded me of all those times I had been with my sisters and we were all screaming in fear, piled up on one bed. It made me miss them. Made me miss the company. Another person in the house. But I was alone. No screaming sisters to huddle up next to me.

Six more days. Four more days of work. Three more days of classes. Just six more days...

Day Nine: Seminary Graduation.

Today, in the entirety of its simplicity, was absolutely wonderful.

I got up early. Got ready for church. Prepared my talk that I was to give at the Seminary Graduation and then left an hour early to fill out my church "funds" the appropriate way. So I got there (took like five whole minutes of driving) filled out what I needed and then started reading my scriptures. I wasn't sitting there long before this boy rounded the corner and stopped in front of me. And, of course, when someone is staring at you, it becomes nearly impossible to ignore them, so I looked up.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" He asked looking around confused.

What? Was he talking to me? -And what is he talking about? Of course I know what's going on. Church. Duh. "Erm, yeah. There's a ward that's meeting here now and they'll be out of their first set of classes in about five minutes and then another ward starts in half an hour."

He seemed a little relieved -or less confused at any rate, then sat down next to me, well, a few seats down. We were in the hallway waiting.

"So what's the ward that meets at eleven thirty?" He asked.

"Lees Summit Second Ward. That's mine. Is that the one you're looking for?"

Well, yeah. Anyway. We talked for the rest of thirty minutes. Mostly about each others lives. Turns out the boy -Oh and I guess it would help with the mental image if I told you how very good-looking this boy was. Like I was totally confused as to why he'd even choose to sit by me, let alone talk to me. I mean, weren't all the gorgeous looking guys usually big shallow stinkers? Well, He must have been the one exception. He certainly didn't seem like a shallow stinker.

He's a model to tell you the truth. Yeah. I was surprised too. He said the occupation just sort of "fell into his lap" and that he simply decided to go with it. He says he enjoys it, but then again there are a few days that he really does not like. He mentioned, upon my questioning him, that he did have to wear things that he normally wouldn't. Like gigantic ugly fur coats. I even asked him what he was mainly posing for now. Let's just say that after he gave the answer I wish I hadn't asked...

Aside from being very good-looking, he had a very good personality too. Very funny. He always had something witty to say. He sat by me during Sacrament Meeting. We were both alone and he didn't really know anyone else. He's sort of been inactive for a while. He usually has to work every Sunday. He felt that he needed to go and then did. "I'm really proud of myself too," He said after the meeting ended. He couldn't stay any longer as he had a Run-way Show at four and needed to get ready. His parents are members, too. He's twenty one and hasn't gone on a mission yet. I say 'yet' merely because he still could; He, however, doubts that will happen. And sadly, he's probably right.

Anyway, about his personality. During Sacrament meeting we sat in a row behind a mother and her infant daughter. During the opening hymn the girl just started sticking her tongue at the boy -randomly I take it, I can't imagine why she'd have a grudge against him :P. So anyway, the boy -Whose name is actually Aaron Groll. "Like Troll only with a 'G'" -started sticking his tongue out too! It was so funny!

And like I said, he had to leave after Sacrament Meeting, but he said he was really happy he came. He enjoyed Testimony Meeting and said he'd try to come next Sunday. When we were saying goodbye my Seminary -or rather "former" Seminary - teacher stopped me and had me introduce her to "my friend." Cherlyn, my teacher, was really funny! She was practically bobbing up and down at this newcomer at my side. She invited me to dinner and then invited Aaron too! It was funny, but of course he had to work. How awkward would that have been!? Haha! After he left I was bombarded with questions concerning the tall, dark, handsome boy who was practically glued to my side. One of my Young Women's leaders, just as I entered the young women's room, peppered me with questions! -"Did you bring a guy to church!?" She demanded with total surprise. I told her no, and that he just sort of appeared out of nowhere and just happened to follow me into the chapel.

Well, I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but in all truth it did add up to that "absolutely wonderful day" I was just talking about. I'll move on to the next reason now.

I had lunch at Cheryln's house with her husband, mother, daughter, and her daughter's husband. We had roast, cottage-cheese, rolls, and the most delicious watermelon I've had in a very long time! The conversation was good. Afterwards I was able to read more of my scriptures and just observe the family. Then, at about, fifteen after five o'clock, I headed for the church in my car with Cheryln behind me in hers. The Seminary Graduation started at six, but the seniors were all asked to arrive a half hour early.

So, a half an hour later all of the seniors in the Stake walked in single file through the Cultural Hall while the audience stood in our honor. I'd have preferred to skip that bit, but was forced to proceed. The less attention I draw to myself the better. I was already going to have to give a talk in front of everyone, why make it worse?

Well, as all the seniors sat in the first two rows (and don't get me wrong, there weren't nearly enough seniors to fill even the first row.) I got to sit in the hot spot. On the stand. Right in front of everyone. Ugh.

During the opening hymn I learned something about myself that I had not previously known. While I was singing the hymn I held the book out in front of me with one hand and balled the other in a fist on my lap. I noticed as the second verse came around that the hymn book in my hands was slowly moving. Sliding down my palm. I caught it before it fell and then automatically flipped the book over to see the cause. I was somewhat surprised to see my hand print on the cover. Yup. I was sweating. My hands, were sweating. I didn't even know hands could do that! I mean, I did, it's just, never thought of myself as that kind of person... Huh. So yeah. Aside from getting heat strokes and having my heart pound like hundreds of grenades being thrown against the inside of my chest and thousands of little butterflies crammed inside my stomach -my hands get sweaty too. How lovely! I'm hopeless!

I was the third youth speaker. The last. That made me happy. But then the pressure of leaving everyone with 'high spirits' was a little intimidating. I was SO nervous! I got up to the stand and practically had to grab the pulpit for support! My voice was so incredibly off -shaking insanely too much -and I was sure that the entire audience could hear every beat of my heart.

The start of my talk was rough. Just trying to keep myself from rushing to the end and concentrating on not blurring the words together. It took a lot of effort to go as slow as I did. Whenever my voice started to shake I'd try and swallow to try and calm myself, but my mouth was completely dry. There wasn't even the tiniest bit of moisture there! The middle of my talk was good. I had had time to calm most of my nerves and just spoke to the audience. That was the good part. And then the end. That was rough. Not because I was nervous but because of the things I was saying. As cheesy at it may sounds I really felt the Spirit in what I was saying. It took a lot of effort not to burst out in my infamous waterworks. Boy. It was tough. But I managed.

After the ceremony was over, well actually even during the ceremony, I was congratulated for that "wonderful talk I gave" by several people who I didn't know along with nearly everyone I did know. I was told that the talk was good and that it didn't even sound as if I was nervous in the slightest. Wow! But aside from the talk it was still a very good night for me. I graduated Seminary! Like I actually graduated! Me! Graduated! Four whole years of getting up around five o'clock in the morning just to study the scriptures. Whoa! I mean, I'm done! No more getting up early! No more having to be extra tired when I go to school. No more spending time with fellow students. No more early morning discussions. No more wonderful Seminary teachers... No more having that Daily Spiritual dosage every morning...No more Seminary....

...I think I'm going through withdrawal.

After refreshments I went back to Cherlyn's house. We made ourselves comfortable on her bed and then she read to me the first chapter of the next and final book in the Twilight Series. It was incredible! I totally can't wait for it to come out! Then, when that was finished, I dropped the book of at it's owners house, who happened to live on the opposite side of town and then chatted with her for a few minutes and then came home.

So here I am. Alone. Bubbling with the excitement over today's events. Wishing someone were here to share it with... Today was really good. And even though today's events were small, this day has probably made it to my Top Ten best days of all eighteen years of my life. It seems like everything went perfect today! Well, aside from the fact that Cheryln's dog chewed up my only pair of church shoes. -But hey, I'm still happy!

I really thought that today was going to be rather sad for me. I mean, no one was there to see me graduate. Well, no one related to me, anyway. No cousins. No parents. No annoying brothers. No family members at all. I thought that it would be rather hard on me. And it probably would have been had I not had such a wonderful time. I think most of it is due to my amazing former Seminary teacher. If it hadn't been for Cherlyn today, I wouldn't be nearly as excited. Today would have just been....graduation. I mean, how dull would that have been?