Message to Self.

It didn't hit me until my roommate wrapped her arms around me and relayed a story of how she told someone to hush-up when they mentioned my graduating next semester, that I was actually graduating next semester.

Thoughts buzzed through my head and a surge of momentary panic swept over me. Where was I going to live? What was I going to do? What car would I buy? Where would I work? Would I have to resort to living in a box for a few months? ...It took me a few seconds to calm myself as I patted my roommate on the back, trying to console her. I wouldn't be graduating for another five months, at least, and I could afford to push aside dealing with the basics for a little longer. I justified it by saying that I still had midterms for this semester to worry about.

So, last night as my roommates and I were reminiscing over old girls camp songs I took an inventory of my life and of all the emotions that I was drowning in. Essentially I have wonderful friends and roommates, I write my family often and try to call on Sundays (which doesn't always happen), I have a wonderful boyfriend, I'm doing well in all my classes, I visit the temple at least once a week, I exercise at least three times a week if not more, and I have no reason to be unhappy. And yet. I am. Well, it's not that I'm not happy, I'm more just stressed. Completely and utterly stressed. I feel like I'm an over inflated balloon and all the world's a pin, ready to pop me the moment I get in it's way. Maybe the stress of graduating has finally decided to rain it's overwhelming terribleness down upon me. Or maybe it's something else entirely. Who knows?

Sometimes life is just hard. And sometimes you have to say to yourself: "Self, be happy. Stop drowning and just keep swimming."

My New Favorite Song.

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more.

2012 Resolutions.

I've been thinking long and hard about these. If you have any suggestions ...well. I mean, if you have any of yours that maybe you'd like to share so that I can get some ideas -feel free to share! And maybe if I post this I'll be more likely to do it!

1. GRADUATE!
2. Read my scriptures every morning AND night.
3. Say my prayers every morning AND night.
4. Save as much money as I can.
5. Buy a car.
6. Go to the temple once a week.
7. Exercise daily.
8. Drink 64 oz of water a day.
9. Finish writing my book.
10. Get all A's.
11. Call my family every Sunday.
12. Get my homework done EARLY.
13. Serve as much as I can.
14. No soda.
15. Write letters to my family.
16. Write in my journal EVERY day.
17. Organize all my junk.
18. Scrapbook all the pictures on my computer.
19. Pay off my school loans.
20. Learn how to play the piano.

Another Year has Come and Gone.

As I was sitting in church today I started thinking about all the changes that will happen in less than a month and I almost started hyperventilating! How silly is that? I mean, I’ve done this like five times and yet I still get nervous! The idea of new roommates (I may know almost all of them… or I may know none of them!), new classes (hard classes that will wrap up my major), new callings (that one REALLY got me going; imagining all the callings that I could possibly get), traveling out there (what if something goes wrong? What if I can’t bring all of my luggage? What if we crash and I die before I get my degree? What if? What if?).

And then the idea of leaving.. Leaving my family. Missing birthdays. Missing holidays. Leaving my Primary kids. One of the girls today was really bothered when I told her that I was leaving in three weeks. She was like “Why can’t you just go to school here? Why do you have to go to school anyway?” I didn’t really know how to answer her. ..I’ll be sad to go. But when I told her that this was the last time I would be leaving she cheered up a bit. “Oh! Then you can teach my class forever!”

Mostly I’m really looking forward to going back out to school. Two more semesters! ...Of course it WILL be super cold and I’ll STILL be working early morning and my classes are ALL upper level. But I’m still excited. Despite how it may sound. I’m still not sure when slash how I’m leaving. That’s still up in the air. But I know how I’m getting home! …But I have no idea what I’m going to do or where I’m going to live when I get done with everything… I haven’t gotten that far yet...

Worth While

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

It is easy enough to be pleasant,
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile,
When everything goes dead wrong.
For the test of the heart is trouble,
And it always comes with the years,
And the smile that is worth the praises of earth
Is the smile that shines through tears.

It is easy enough to be prudent,
When nothing tempts you to stray,
When without or within no voice of sin
Is luring your soul away;
But it’s only a negative virtue
Until it is tried by fire,
And the life that is worth the honor of earth
Is the one that resists desire.

By the cynic, the sad, the fallen,
Who had no strength for the strife,
The world’s highway is cumbered to-day;
They make up the sum of life.
But the virtue that conquers passion,
And the sorrow that hides in a smile,
It is these that are worth the homage on earth
For we find them but once in a while.

Breaking Dawn Part One.

Yes, I did watch Breaking Dawn at midnight last night and I actually, surprisingly, liked it. It is rated PG-13 and yes a few scenes were taken out before it aired moving it down from being rated R. And I'll tell you why. Firstly, it was very much like the book. The couple is on their honeymoon and well.. Anyway. There's a few bedroom scenes where you see lots of shoulders and skin and lots of drawn-out kissing. And there's that ocean scene (which was very similar to that Harry Potter scene in the last one). Also, aside from all the honeymoon bits, there was a scene just before the wedding when Bella has a nightmare and she's standing on all the dead bloody bodies of all the people she knows and blood is seeping out from beneath them. Not a necessary scene but it didn't bother me as much as the other scenes did.

The acting wasn't as cheesy as some of the other ones and the makeup and everything was actually quite good. My sister Jessica, who sat next to me, said "Wow. They actually look really good!" The director took his time with everything and so it wasn't rushed at all. It split exactly where I thought it would and I thought it was super fun when they had Stephenie Meyer attend the wedding! And if you do watch it, be sure to stay for a bit after the credits, there's an important scene that sets up the next movie. So yeah. I liked it, but I think this is one of those movies where I'd just have to say: Watch at your own risk.

Okay Jillian, Let's Try This Again...

I have successfully made it to Day 12 in Jillian Micheal's 30 Day Shred. And I am loving it! ...Well, actually, as I'm exercising I don't love it, but afterward I do!

..Actually, I WAS loving it. That is, until I started her second workout. Her 30 days is broken up into three workouts, and, naturally, they each get more and more intense. And for the months and months that I've had this video I have never once looked at the second workout. ...until two days ago. And when I first did it I thought I was going to die! If workout two is THIS bad, I don't even want to SEE workout three! I don't even want it in my presence!

..But today wasn't as bad. I keep reminding myself that when I started this whole thing I felt the same way about workout one. And that's a piece of cake right now. Hopefully I'll feel the same way about the others. And soon!

Pizza Dough!

1 1/4 cups warm water
1 1/2 teaspoons yeast
1 teaspoon sugar
Mix and let proof for five minutes.
2 Tablespoons oil
1 teaspoon salt
Mix in.
3 1/4 cup flour - Mix in 2 1/2 to 3 then knead in the rest.

Roll out fairly thin.
Poke holes in crust and shape edges.
Cover with 1 cup. sauce or so and add your favorite toppings!
Bake at 425 degrees for fifteen to seventeen minutes.

Tip: Before cooking, brush garlic butter onto the top!

Once Upon A Time.

Not that you don't have any other far more important things to be doing or anything, but I've discovered this new TV show on abc and I love it! It's a brand new series and it airs every Sunday night at 8/7 central. My roommate and I have faithfully watched every single episode so far and we're oober excited for the next one to come out! ...There's only three out so far and I think you can access them free on abc.com. I'm a little skeptical about giving too much of the story away by telling you about it. I'll just say that it has something to do with Snow White, Prince Charming, the Evil Queen, the fairy tale world and the real world! It's PG for mild language and the violence is very clean (old fashion punching, bloodless sword fighting), although the graphics are a little cheesy at times. Anyway, if you have a few extra hours in your busy day you should check it out!

My Dilemma in a Nutshell.

GED and ACT? Check.
College and University? Check.
Freshman year? Check.
Sophomore year? Check.
Junior year? Check.
Senior year? Check.
Graduation? Check.
What in the world to do next? .........AHH!!