My Stupid Essay.

I'm writing this paper kay? And I've been working on it for about forty years! ..no just for about three weeks straight! (...okay, maybe not straight, but pretty dang close to it) and it's due on Monday. The paper is an analysis on the poem "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas. ..I USED to like the poem, but now... No. I still like it. I just feel like I need a break from it. So anyway, I'm working on this paper for hours and hours and revising and revising and revising and I just KNOW that on Monday after I turn it in, I'll never look at the paper again. ...Why do we do this??? Why must we waist so much of our pathetic lives (...well, of MY pathetic life, your life probably ISN'T pathetic) (at all) anyway, why must I waist so much of my pathetic life on writing a huge paper that I'll never ever read once it's finished??

...I guess I MIGHT read it again. Maybe in like twenty years when my daughter's in college and asking how the heck to write a Formalist paper.. In which case I'd let her look it over then I'll look it over and then I'd just shove it back into a box and let it sit in my attic for a hundred years.. Oh the paradoxical ways of college!

What Do You Do?

Just when you think things couldn't get any worse they do (or your imagination just get's the better of you). This week for some reason has been really hard on me. Well, not exactly the week, mostly just the last couple of days. Typically with me, when something bad or unpleasantly unexpected happens it ruins my whole day and sometimes my whole week. It's terrible! Everything could be going swimmingly and then crash! The waves (or cliffs) of insanity come tumbling down. Then after that the only things I can think about are of all the things that have gone wrong in my life or that are going wrong now. ...Anyway. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. Maybe it's because I'm hoping you can fix my mood. What do you do when you feel bogged down or bummed and all you want to do is stick your head in the ground and leave it there?

Not Waving But Drowning

Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Just Thought I'd Share.

I woke up this morning with this song in my head, felt like sharing.

Somewhere Out There

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

I Love My Life!

I feel really happy today. It's just been super spectacular! I had the day off (both from work AND from school), I slept until ten, worked on my homework, showered, met with my teacher concerning my homework, had lunch with an awesome friend(!), came home, was visited by one of my old roommates (which always makes my day!), found out that two of my old roommates are now my visiting teachers (!), went to the store and bought ice-cream (which is always called for when you finish writing a HUGE paper!), and now I'm watching a movie! ...Anyways, I'm just sitting on cloud nine and I don't even really know why!

The Outhouse.

I'm cleaning offices this week at work and I have a tendency to see things with my hands. I want to pick up EVERYTHING and touch EVERYTHING! And you wouldn't believe how many neato things these professors have. Anyways, my first day on offices I found this awesome looking outhouse. All detailed and, of course, I wanted to look inside. And this is what happened.... (Except for, I was alone)

Dear Knight.

I used to sit upon the sill
And wait
And wonder what the world was like
Out there beyond these walls
And dream of how my life would be
When you climbed into my tower.

I used to plan out in my head
And think
Of all the things I’d love to do
Out there beyond my rise
And pass the time by counting days
Until you climbed into my tower

I used to dream while in my sleep
And marvel
At the world and of the people in it
And of the adventures I could have
If only you would get here
And climb into my tower

I used to sit upon the sill
And wait
And plan the days I’d spend with you
But I could not wait forever
So I got up and packed my things
And climbed out of my tower

And now it’s up to you
Dear Knight
You can either come and find me
Living out my dreams
Or you can choose to stay
And wait there in my tower

Leave Me Not Alone.

Leave me not alone
To walk this road
Of which I’m unfamiliar
The path is long
The way is hard
The journey of a thousand miles
I cannot go alone

Leave me not alone
To climb these mountains
Of which I made myself
The walls are steep
The rocks are sharp
The climb of a thousand peaks
I cannot go alone

Leave me not alone
To swim this lake
Of which I’ve never seen
The fog is thick
The water is cold
The voyage of a thousand leagues
I cannot go alone

Leave me not alone
To go through every day
In which I never see or hear
The familiar face
The comforting voice
The one who loves a thousand ways
Leave me not alone

But if you must
Leave me with
a kiss
a hug
a promise
Let me know that you still love me
Let me feel you close beside me
Let me know that you will not forget me
When you leave me all alone

My Weekend.

Sunday evening my roommates practically FORCED, well, rather INSISTED that I go with them to a game night. The games were at a boy's apartment with tons of people that I didn't know and I was skeptical on going. But I went. And it was actually really fun! One of the funny parts about it was that when I got there, there was this girl whom I knew from two years ago, my first semester. We met doing early morning custodial together and then she left for Washington to go on her mission and I figured I'd never see her again. But there she was. Playing games. Anyway, it was nice to catch up with her. And what are the odds?

Anyways, also, last night I stayed up SUPER LATE with my roommates (well, all but one. She had to get her beauty sleep for her engagement pictures today). My roommates and I talked, and talked, and talked. The subjects of the conversation mostly revolved around two of the girls and I feel like I know them really well now! We were up until four this morning and I loved every minute of it. Hooray for late night talks!

On Abuse.

He’s the only one who sees
The scar that no one else can see
A secret that I hold so close
A hidden place inside myself

The scar that no one else can see
Wakes me from my pleasant dreams
A hidden place inside myself
A place of my Gethsemane

It wakes me from my pleasant dreams
The face that haunts my memories
A place of my Gethsemane
Where I am torn and used and broken

The face that haunts my memories
A secret that I hold so close
Where I am torn and used and broken
And He’s the only one who sees
The scar that no one else can see